“When our emotional health is in a bad state, so is our level of self-esteem. We have to slow down and deal with what is troubling us, so that we can enjoy the simple joy of being happy and at peace with ourselves.”
― Jess Scott
Emotions, as we say, are one’s state of mind. However, emotion is often intertwined with our mood, temperament, personality, disposition and motivation. How well we can manage it defines our emotional quotient (EQ). And there is no shame in accepting that we have low EQ, it just makes us more emotional than other people & being emotional is no crime as we don’t hurt anybody.
Then why do we need to learn to manage it & try to enhance our EQ, because it is we, who will get hurt and feel pain and loneliness. However, before learning to manage it we should realize that we are not weaklings. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness; it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empath who is broken; it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being a ‘hot mess’ or having ‘too many issues’ are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world. Just don’t let anyone take advantage of that, don’t let anyone hurt you too often and just don’t feel the need to depend on anyone. Every individual has the capability to stand alone; we just need to realize our own strength.
First we need to understand what EQ means. Emotional Intelligence (EQ or EI) can be defined as the ability to understand, manage, and effectively express one’s own feelings, as well as engage and navigate successfully with those of others.
Second thing is to learn to manage our emotions or enhance our EQ. I will try to summarize whatever I have learnt but before that I want to give a disclaimer: I’m, myself, a very emotional person and I’m still learning to manage my emotions. So, there might me things you won’t agree, feel free to give your opinion.
In 1990, Yale psychologists John D. Mayer and Peter Salovey originally coined the term emotional intelligence, which some researchers claim that is an inborn characteristic, while others suggest that you can improve it with proper guidance and practice.
Here are few ways to increase your EQ:
- Don’t interrupt or change the subject: Sit down at least twice a day and ask, “How am I feeling?” It may take a little time for the feelings to arise. Allow yourself that small space of time, uninterrupted.
- Don’t judge or edit your feelings too quickly: Healthy emotions often rise and fall in a wave, rising, peaking, and fading naturally. Your aim should be not to cut off the wave before it peaks.
- Learn the Ability to Stay Cool and Manage Stress: How we handle stressful situations can make the difference between being assertive versus reactive, and poised versus frazzled. When under pressure, the most important thing to keep in mind is to keep our coo
- Connect your feelings with your thoughts: Often times, one of our feelings will contradict others. That’s normal. Listening to your feelings is like listening to all the witnesses in a court case. Only by admitting all the evidence will you be able to reach the best verdict.
- Learn the ability to be assertive and express difficult emotions when necessary: These can include exercising our right to disagree (without being disagreeable), saying “no” without feeling guilty, setting our own priorities, getting what we paid for, and protecting ourselves from duress and harm.
- Listen to your body: A knot in your stomach or a flutter of your heart when doing something may be a clue that this could be “the real thing.” Listening to these sensations and the underlying feelings that they signal will allow you to process with your powers of reason.
- If you don’t know how you’re feeling, ask someone else: People seldom realize that others are able to judge how they are feeling. Ask someone who knows you (and whom you trust) how you are coming across. You may find the answer both surprising and illuminating.
- Learn the ability to bounce back from adversity: Life is not always easy. We all know that. How we choose the way we think, feel, and act in relation to life’s challenges can often make the difference between hope versus despair, optimism versus frustration, and victory versus defeat
- Tune in to your unconscious feelings: While in a relaxed state, allow your thoughts to roam freely and watch where they go. Analyze your dreams. Keep a notebook and pen at the side of your bed and jot down your dreams as soon as you wake up. Pay special attention to dreams that repeat or are charged with powerful emotion.versus defeat.
- Ask yourself: How do I feel today?: Start by rating your overall sense of well-being on a scale of 0 and 100 and write the scores down in a daily log book.
- Learn the ability to express intimate emotions in close, personal relationships : The ability to effectively express and validate tender, loving emotions is essential to maintaining close personal relationships. In this case, “effective” means sharing intimate feelings with someone in an appropriate relationship, in a manner that’s nourishing and constructive, and being able to respond affirmatively when the other person does the same.
- Know when enough is enough.There comes a time to stop looking inward; learn when it’s time to shift your focus outward. Studies have shown that encouraging people to dwell upon negative feelings can amplify these feelings.
Emotional intelligence involves not only the ability to look within, but also to be present in the world around you. By learning to manage it will make you stronger and more independent.
Stay happy 🙂